Did I really just hear those words come out of Michael’s mouth? I watched in amazement and with pride as Michael told Nigel this. The lively room filled with laughter, Nigel giggled and said, “She’s my sister too.” “Mom, Michael thinks I am hurting Riley.” Nigel had lifted Riley up and startled her, prompting the response from Michael, and ending in a giggle fest. I looked on at the beautiful scene with a joy filled heart.
From the age of 3, Nigel wanted a sibling. He mentioned this often, told other’s that “Mommy and Daddy are having a baby” casually, and found cute ways to show how a sibling would fit in (like the time he told us that we couldn’t stay at a hotel because they were “only for families with two or three kids”). When we eagerly showed him the ultrasound video of Michael, his reply was, “I knew it!” When Michael joined the family, Nigel was as loving and caring as a six year old could be. He even forgave the fact that Michael upstaged his sixth birthday party and looked at Michael’s birth as a gift. There are days, that the romanticized view of siblinghood are far from gone, but in its place is a bond that grows stronger with each passing day.
Michael did not have the same opportunity to yearn for a sibling afforded to Nigel. Instead, he was jolted from both his baby grandchild and baby child seats at the age of one. 2006 was a remarkable year for my family. The first girls in 25+ years joined our family. First being my niece, and four month later Riley. Weeks short of his second birthday, Michael was a big brother.
The transition in the early days was fairly normal. Nigel beamed; Michael rejoiced with everyone around him. And, then things took a turn. Michael was the “mama’s baby.” His attachment to me was evident in the early months. Once Riley came, Michael was sadden and confused. He didn’t know how to share me and had no desire to let nature teach him naturally. He tried many times to take Riley out of my arms or to sit on her while she was in my lap. Suffice to say, Riley was not welcomed by Michael with the same fanfare in which Nigel enthusiastically showed him.
As the month grew on, Michael reluctantly accepted that Riley was non returnable. And, then something remarkable happened. Michael would set aside and watch how Nigel interacted with Riley. He soon began to imitate Nigel, and as Riley smiled, cooed, and reached out to him, I watch his heart continue to melt. Once Riley was mobile, the light bulb went off that “This is someone I can play with” and there has been more and more non-stop activity and interaction every day. I often hear, “Come on Wiley, WILEY” on a regular basis now.
The memories they are building strengthens their bond. But, protectiveness is emerging from these connections. Both boys show a desire to keep Riley safe (of course Nigel more times Michael ;)).
During the initial diagnosis, I did not ponder what the potential impact on Nigel’s and Michael’s lives may be. The first time I thought about this, Riley was roughly one month old. Nigel and Michael had appointments for their annual check-ups. In the past, I chose to selectively vaccinate (vax), and neither of the boys had had the flu vaccine. This year was different. With SCD, all thoughts of selective vax went out the window.
I braced Nigel for getting his shot. Nigel had previously asked about the medicine that Riley took. He was concerned that she was so little and taking medication and inquired as to when she would “get better.” We discussed SCD briefly. We also talked about how important it was to be healthy (wash our hands thoroughly, eat healthy, etc) for Riley. That night, Nigel prayed for Riley, specifically for her health, on his on. When I broached the subject again a few weeks later, I recalled our earlier conversation and talked about why he would need to get a shot this time at his appointment. As the appointment came to an end, Nigel was nervous and scared. He put on his “strong face.” As he was injected, he watched intently and didn’t move an inch. When it was over, he began crying. As I consoled him, I thanked him for being such a wonderful big brother and momentarily the waterworks were disappeared. I saw a hint of a smile, a bit of pride, as he turned to look at Riley. Watching the subtle, yet powerful exchange, I reflected on how blessed they were to have each other. I knew the days ahead would be filled with many things, but the greatest being love.
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