Like most parents, we eagerly awaited for Riley to do many things in those first few months. The first smile, cooing, that expression of recognition, that eludes connections and love. Those first few months were filled with so much joy and anticipation, that it is amazing the room that was there for worry and concern. With each passing day, I knew that we were closer to the rain.
Children with Sickle Cell are protected in the early months by fetal hemoglobin. Fetal hemoglobin is the hemoglobin we have produced before birth. Fetal hemoglobin physically blocks hemoglobin S, preventing it from forming the long, rigid rods that lead to sickling of the red blood cells. Weeks before birth, our bodies began to make less fetal hemoglobin and more adult hemoglobin. At birth, an infant's red blood cells contain roughly equal amounts of fetal and adult hemoglobin. As the fetal hemoglobin in the body deceases, the risk for crisis increases. Some children have their first pain crisis as young as 4-6 mths of age.
I wanted to hold on to each day a little longer as I watched Riley grow. Around 3 mths of age, I began a silent countdown in my head, bracing myself for the next three months. And, by six month, nothing had happened. I felt part relief and part fear. I was relieved that Riley was healthy. We had made it through cold and flu season without the slightest hint of a cold. In fact, the season seemed to hit Michael the hardest. But, the fear that grasped me had me a bit on edge. I began to wonder, “When is it going to happen?” “How is it going to happen?” “What do I do when we reach this point?”
I pushed these fears aside and went on with daily life, until one day, I made a decision. I had to do more than put my fears aside; I had to let them go. The fear and worry would do nothing to help me, if a crisis came. I was comforted by the scripture. I Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Psalms 55:22 “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” When a fearful thought creep up, I would take a moment to praise God. I thanked him for many things, but I mainly thanked him for the wonderful works that he had begun in Riley meditating on Philippians 1:6 …being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Re-directing my energies allowed calmness, peacefulness in enjoying everyday life. The fact is life truly does just happen. Preparation and attitude are key. You can plan and prepare, but you never know what surprises are ahead. The beautiful thing is that most surprises, whether pleasant or unpleasant, make like worth living. The pleasant things are icing on the cake that energize us. The not so pleasant things, mold us, shape, and prepare us. Either way, it is the attitude that makes the difference.
